I have called suicide hotlines over and over and all they do is to treat my like a statistic. Hello? Yeah, I um, yeah, I um know that you are feeling down and all that, but feel better okay? Maybe you can try going for psychology courses and couselling. Well sure, if I hadn't been so unhappy that I almost slit my throat, I would not have called. I would not have the guts to call the suicide hotline if I hadn't tried strangling myself and swig bleach like it was soda. My palette, it's all gray and black along with some spit of despise that someone has given me respectfully as a souvenir. Thank you so much for your pity, I really appreciate it. Now let me kneel down and hail you as a king shall I?
My mom keeps on asking me to marry early even though I just started high school. She keeps on telling me that I must get a good husband. "Your academics are not important. All you need to do, is to get a good man to depend upon and someone to dote upon you. Then, you will just give me my grandson and then my job would be done. "
Honestly, I felt revolted about the warped mindset of my Mother. The woman who has brought me up as a Tiger Mom, asking me to be Head Prefect, asking me to get a Perfect Score, asking me to get into Gifted Education suddenly vanished. In her place is some person I don't understand and don't fathom. She is now asking me to depend on a man. She is asking me to bury my dreams and then go get a family ASAP. She is trying to persuade me how awesome marriage is. However, just by observing our current life now, just by seeing how you are stuck in a downward spiralling paranoia makes me scared. Mom, you were the one who taught me the importance of reading, yet, now you prefer TV to books. Mom, you were the one who was against new technology fearing that it will corrode our minds, yet you suggested I get a SmartPhone. Mom, you were the one who taught me that what I wanted to be in life was to be independently wealthy. I should have been a skilled, passionate and driven person. Now, you are telling me to depend on the seperate sex for all my life.
Okay, this post is not meant to be sexist, I have nothing against the opposite gender.
But mom, you scared me. Your 180 degree attitude change shattered me instantly. I hate how you think women are worthless. How in our whole lives, we should just be child bearing machines and submit our lives to men. No! This is totally not how it works. I beg to differ and this time, in my whole wide life as goody-two-shoes I disagree with you.
There have been so many things that happened tthat got me thinking, sparked passion within me. In 2007, dad took me to a Nobel Prize exhibit that got me loving Science. In 2011, I was introduced to Shakespeare, poetry and Geography and fell in love with them ever since. This year, I managed to get into Biology Olympiad. I read Campbell's Biology and that opened my eyes to a whole new world. It was really like going for a magic carpet ride. I got to learn so many interesting things in Chemistry. I plan to go on and pursue Plant Biology/Chemistry or Bio-Chemistry as my degree.
But no, what did you say? No way are you going into Chemistry or Plant Biology. Chemistry is way too dangerous and Plant Biology doesn't earn money. Bio-chemistry is found in the Medical School and you are obviously not cut out to be a doctor. C'mon, studies isn't the most important thing. The important thing is to get married and then enjoy life as a house wife.
Cool, we're going to owe a projected $15400 in tuition fees in University for moulding me into a housewife. Mom, I loathe how you think that I am worthless just because I get nauseous watching dissection videos. I detest how you forbid me to do what I love to do! People's moms tell them to chase down their dreams like the last bus of the night, you are telling me to give up my dreams because I was not cut out for them.
I don't understand.
Mom, stop sinking in hysteria and anxiety. Stop thinking that you have it worse. Stop thinking you have got an incurable disease when your most recent health checkup was an A+. Stop believing that women were meant to marry men and depend on them. That would make women leeches which I'm certain that the whole world knows that we are not.
I'm sorry that I suck. I'm sorry that I am such a financial burden, that I cannot agree to the rules that you have set for me i.e get married and give birth to triplets at 25. I'm sorry that I'm such a selfish little prick. But mom, I hope you can see that the world isn't all about bearing children and depending on a man to feed you and support you. Mom, people have the right to dream, and that includes women too. Why not give it a try? Have a little faith in life, and uproot the assumption that you are doomed for life. Everyone has their battles and each is fighting hard to see the sunrise. We may be going through hell now, but I'm sure it will get better. [P.s. I will not become another statistic for youth suicide just yet. ] If you let reality pin you down, it will and you will always remain in that position. We need a little motivation, and that is called having a dream. I really wanted to do music, but you said it didn't earn any money. Mom, when you engage in something that you love the most, money is the not the most important concern.
Mom, for once, stop thinking about money and making babies. I feel disgusted. Please excuse me as I go and vomit out all my woes into the toilet bowl. You underestimate me, and I feel the fire flickering in me. I wish I had a normal family and a mom with higher expectations. Are women really cut out just to bear babies and depend on other people? You mean, women cannot go after their dreams? Women are not cut out for achievements like men? We are second-class citizens? No mom. You are dead wrong.
I don't understand your logic anymore.
I don't understand.
Mom, stop sinking in hysteria and anxiety. Stop thinking that you have it worse. Stop thinking you have got an incurable disease when your most recent health checkup was an A+. Stop believing that women were meant to marry men and depend on them. That would make women leeches which I'm certain that the whole world knows that we are not.
I'm sorry that I suck. I'm sorry that I am such a financial burden, that I cannot agree to the rules that you have set for me i.e get married and give birth to triplets at 25. I'm sorry that I'm such a selfish little prick. But mom, I hope you can see that the world isn't all about bearing children and depending on a man to feed you and support you. Mom, people have the right to dream, and that includes women too. Why not give it a try? Have a little faith in life, and uproot the assumption that you are doomed for life. Everyone has their battles and each is fighting hard to see the sunrise. We may be going through hell now, but I'm sure it will get better. [P.s. I will not become another statistic for youth suicide just yet. ] If you let reality pin you down, it will and you will always remain in that position. We need a little motivation, and that is called having a dream. I really wanted to do music, but you said it didn't earn any money. Mom, when you engage in something that you love the most, money is the not the most important concern.
Mom, for once, stop thinking about money and making babies. I feel disgusted. Please excuse me as I go and vomit out all my woes into the toilet bowl. You underestimate me, and I feel the fire flickering in me. I wish I had a normal family and a mom with higher expectations. Are women really cut out just to bear babies and depend on other people? You mean, women cannot go after their dreams? Women are not cut out for achievements like men? We are second-class citizens? No mom. You are dead wrong.
I don't understand your logic anymore.
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